One of those days
by Budding Authoress
Summary: We've all had them: days when the world just seems absolutely insane. Horatio and Archie are having one now, only the world doesn't seem insane...it IS insane!


A/N: After a long absence from posting, I decided to celebrate my birthday by posting this. It's the product of boredom and hyperactivity. Feedback is appreciated.

And now, Budding Authoress presents...

One of those days

There was a row of cups on the railing of the ship. Archie was staring in profound bemusement. Why are these cups here? he asked himself, and who put them there? Is there a particular reason for all these quills to be sticking out of it? Who am I? What am I doing here?

His train of thought was broken by Wellard running by screaming "I HAVE A.D.D.!!!" and dressed in lavender. Archie turned around and watched the slightly insane midshipman charge around a corner, immediately smashing into a closed door. As he lay unconscious, Horatio stepped over him and came to Archie.

"Archie, is there some reason that you're looking at me in that strange way?"

Archie gaped at his friend, who was now extremely short and looked oddly cartoonish. "Um....I think you've turned into a chibi."

"WHAT!!!!" Horatio pulled a full length mirror from out of nowhere and stared at himself. "NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

"There's nothing wrong with being a chibi." Archie said, trying to calm his friend down.

Now Horatio was running in circles on deck, shrieking. "I'M NOT A CHIBI! I WASN'T MEANT TO BE A CHIBI, DAMN IT! I'M SUPPOSED TO SWEEP GIRLS OFF THEIR FEET WITH SEXY LOOKS AND MY BROODING ANGST! NOW I'M DISGRACED! CURSED TO A LIFE OF CHIBIDOM, OR IS IT DOOM? I DON'T CARE! SOMEONE KILL ME!!!!"

Archie felt bad for his friend, and tried to comfort him. But as he moved forward, he stepped on him. "Sorry." He said.

Horatio pulled himself off the deck and groaned. Just then, a golden retriever ran across the deck and knocked Horatio down again. Then a woman in silver stood before them. "Welcome to la cage aux folles! If you want to be part of our little group, or if you simply want to become handsome again, you must put on these." And she held out two dresses, one hot pink, the other black. Both Horatio and Archie went for the black, but Archie, being taller, got it first.

"DAMN YOU, ARCHIE!!" Horatio screamed, putting on the hot pink dress. He looked so bizarre, yet cute, that several fangirls in the audience fainted. Then the woman let his hair down and put him in lipstick and high heels. "Oh, dear, honey, that jacket has to go!" she pulled off his sexy naval jacket and handed him a pink fan and stuck a big pink feather crown in his hair. Then she turned to Archie. "On second thought, we don't need you." She snapped her fingers and Archie was standing as he had been a moment before. Poor Horatio, still a chibi, was now standing on top of the rigging, singing in a really bad falsetto.

"A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but diamonds are a girl's best friend. OH MY BLOODY GOD, SOMEONE GET ME DOWN! I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS!"

Archie dashed up the rigging to save his friend, but a bird chose that moment to fly around his head. "Scat!" Archie cried, but too late: The bird, spotting Horatio's pink feathers, fell in love, grabbed the crown, and ran off to have a Vegas wedding.

"Thank god." Horatio breathed, as Archie climbed up to join him, "I don't know how long I could have managed to wear that atrocity." Even as he spoke, a pink cloud enveloped him, and he returned to his sexy self. Archie applauded, Horatio looked relieved.

But the happiness was short lived. With a neigh, a horse landed on the rigging and kicked Horatio into the water. This being a bizarre world, Horatio didn't die. He didn't even get mildly hurt from the horse's hooves. What did happen, though, was that the ice cold water caused him to come down with a horrid cold that showed no symptoms except girly sneezes. The minute he was back on deck, he bent double, sneezing into a handkerchief (hot pink, so clearly he hadn't gone completely back to normal.) Archie watched in fascination as the poor man leaned against the railing, emitting high-pitched noises that sounded like yips from a poodle.

Horatio looked at his friend desperately. "Archie," He gasped, "You...you're the only sane one here. Quick, help me..." he was cut off by another wave of sneezes.

Archie rolled his eyes, looked up, and yelled, "Cure him or else I'll make your favorite actor come to your house wearing nothing but a bikini top!"

At this, the sneezing stopped. "Thank you, Archie." Horatio said, looking at the handkerchief in disgust and throwing it overboard. A cat came out of thin air and caught the tissue before jumping back on deck and proceeding to tear it to shreds. Horatio stared at it. "Now what?" he said.

He shouldn't have said that, because Captain Pellew ran out of his quarters, dressed like Ivy from Soul Caliber (High heeled white boots and all), and yelled, "WHO THE DEVIL STOLE ALL MY SPINACH?"

Archie and Horatio looked at each other and shrugged. They decided that the world had just gone nuts and chose not to say anything to anyone.

Just then, three people came out of nowhere (boy, that seems to happen a lot). The funny thing was, all of them looked oddly similar. One of them was a girl dressed in a dark red gown and looking at Horatio with a 'Hey, big boy' smile. The second was also a girl who was dressed in a shoulder-less black dress and had a red circle below her neck. She was looking at the men, smirking. The third person was a man, who actually looked like a naval officer. Relieved that someone else around here was sane, Horatio went up to him. "Welcome, sir. Please join us in trying to stop the insanity around here."

The man blinked at him, then tore off his stupid looking lieutenants hat and said in a voice that was unmistakably feminine, "Sorry, sweetheart, but I can't do that."

"WHAT THE HELL?" Horatio roared, jumping backwards and colliding with a cow that had hit the deck. The cross dresser vanished, leaving the two girls. The one in black checked the time and vanished too. Only the one in red remained. She smiled sweetly at Horatio and came forward. "I'd like to see you...privately" she purred.

Horatio blinked, then tried to run off. Her next words stopped him.

"I'll let you wax my pancakes." Then she burst out laughing and disappeared. In fact, everyone on the ship disappeared, except Archie, Horatio, and a chicken, that rolled past them like a tumbleweed.

"Archie...did you ever get the feeling like we've stumbled on an alternate universe?" Horatio asked (the chicken, meanwhile, rolled off into the sunset.)

"Many times." Archie answered, "I've stumbled into several universes where we've been making out."

"What?" Horatio said, laughing, "No offense, Archie, but if I ever kissed you, I'd be crazy."

"My sentiments exactly." Archie said.

Then the ship went back to normal, or as normal as it gets in this particular universe, which is to say, totally nuts. Now there was a woman with a sword menacing them. She had pink hair and had a ring in the shape of a rose on her finger. "The power to revolutionize the world!" she yelled.

Archie strode forward and grabbed her sword. "This?" he said, tapping it on the deck, where it shattered. The girl said nothing, and when Archie looked up, he was looking at a young boy in a red coat. "Who are you?"

"Edward Elric, Full Metal Alchemist, at your service."

"You're short." Horatio said.

That did it. Ed grabbed Horatio and started jumping on him. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT, PEABRAIN?"

Archie pulled Ed off, and then he was gone, and Archie was holding a tomato in his arms. Horatio, covered in bruises, stared at it too. Then the tomato exploded and covered everyone with sauce. Horatio and Archie looked at each other again. "I guess it's just one of those days." Horatio said.

"Yeah." Archie answered.

So saying, they took sleeping pills and slept through the rest of the day, missing out on a contest on singing the Badger song, an incident involving Styles and a trampoline, and Pellew still wondering who had his spinach.

The last word: Ok...I am crazy. But review anyway. Flame me if you have to. BUT WILL SOMEONE REVIEW ME ALREADY???


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